yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
