When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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