She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
