dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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