I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
