i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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