I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
