i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
