I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
