my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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