she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
