You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
