i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
