She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
