The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
