you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
