I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
