So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she pinky promised me she was 18
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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