Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize