My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Bring me that man meat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
