if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize