R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
