Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
