I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
