now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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