omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is wine microwaveable?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
