Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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