okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
