How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You can't motorboat a personality
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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