Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
