Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
