sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
