Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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