I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
