just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
