just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i believe in u and ur pee
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
