He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
