was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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