I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
