i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
