Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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