You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
