Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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