so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
