you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My life is pants optional.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
