do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
