i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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