omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm just crazy horny about you
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You are the jesus of drinking
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
