You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
