Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
