What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
