I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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