I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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