Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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