Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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