The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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