Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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