My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am available for nakedness
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize