Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize