btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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