so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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