so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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