Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
