He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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