well I can't set my house on fire every night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
