i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
