i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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