I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
