u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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