two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
