Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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