At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize