I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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