dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
