the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
