she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
3pm strippers are depressing
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
