Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
