Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
