Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize