I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
