I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
last night I used snow as a chaser
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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