Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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