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• (631): View more from New York

  U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ya, gonna go have sex there?

  (631): View more from New York

  No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  That would be awkward if he commented on your status

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...

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• (415): View more from California

  just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.

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• (707): View more from California

  She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.

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