you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
