He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have fence marks all over my body
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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