He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
