You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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