my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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