I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
