the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
