watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Who died my cat blue again?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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