alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
