some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
