it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
