scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
