Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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